April 8, 2002

• It's been a busy, stressful week, but today marks a new start.  It's cold and raining, outside, but it's not so in my heart.

  
  

  First the bad news?  Hmmmm......well there has been a sudden decline in the cat population around here.  First Amadeus left and never came back.  Amadeus was my 2nd cat and lived with my EX.  Amadeus was about 13 years old and quite a warrior.  He had been through a lot with his warrior self.  His tail was missing a chunk off the end, due to some mystery amputation, he had several pellets in him from some assholes shooting him, and his ears were ragged, scarred and full of holes from fighting.  Despite his warrior nature, Amadeus was a wonderful pet, patient, loving, and faithful.  His age was starting to catch up with him though and I knew it wouldn't be long before he was gone.  He was truly a wonderful cat and I am happy for him.

  
  

  Mouse was the only kitten left at Franny's from the first batch of kittens last year.  We found her under the porch dead.  She looks like she bled to death.  I think she may have got pregnant with her kitten self and had some complications.  Mouse was a wonderful cat and tended to the mutant batch of kittens like her own.  She would have been a wonderful mother.  I will miss her.

  
  

  Rudy was not a very smart kitten, but he was endearing.  Rudy was from the 2nd batch of kittens last year, the mutant batch.  He was going to be a huge cat.....going to be.  Rudy was run over by a car, Franny found him lying at the mailbox dead.  I'll miss that dorky little shit.  He was the only male cat we had left.

  
  

  Ever since we found Kan dead in the road last year, I haven't let myself get very close to the kittens.  Farm kittens come and go and if you let yourself get to fond of one, you will suffer too much pain when they go, and they will go.  Funny thing is I just made an appointment to have the remaining 3 kittens fixed, I didn't want any more kittens out to Franny's.  Although Momma Kitty is the culprit, I can't catch her, she is too feral, but her kittens aren't.  PUP and I found her kittens and tamed them into the grave???  Nah, that is just the way it goes on the farm.

  
  

  I can't stop thinking about that little joke I found on retox138's site though, and feeling responsible.  I assure you if I were to blame for kittens dying, there would be no kittens to be found.  I'm at that age!

  
  

  I picked Shelia up yesterday.  She is just as beautiful as her pictures and she rides so smooth.  I will need to hook her up with a CD player before I head out, but other than that, she is PERFECT.  She already tried to start a cat fight with me yesterday, right after I signed on the dotted line.  I was all up in her rear when one of her adornments grabbed me by the head and yanked out a heap of hair.  FUCK that hurt, but she got my attention.  I will let her be in charge, or at least trick her into thinking she is getting her own way. hehe  Yeah, Shelia and I are going to be together for a long, long time.  We're Mates!

  
  

  Discover Card has decided that they no longer want me as a customer.  Just like that, no reason or word, just cancelled.  I have used my Discover Card for many, many years.  First as a joint account, and then after my separation, as my own account.  I paid all of my balances off every month and used my card for everything.  I found it much easier to use a credit card for purchases and then right one check at the end of the month.  This is my system and now it is gone.  So, someone fraudulently obtains my credit card info, charges up a heap of charges and then my credit card company cancels me.  "We decided we didn't want your business anymore."  After a 12 year relationship they decided to cancel me and stated they do not have to give a reason.  I feel a sense of loss here, but I will soon turn that into a plot of revenge.  I reckon the Discover Card peeps would rather have someone that doesn't pay their statements off so they can charge them ungodly interest rates, but with someone like me, they don't get much of anything other than what I owe.  FUCKERS!!!!

  
  

  I am on Day 10 of my juice fast.  I am doing super on this round of cleansing too, so good that I am planning to fast for 14 days.  I have never went that long without eating but I feel really strong so, I am going to go for it.  I have only lost about 5 pounds this time, but my weight was not an issue anyway.  I feel great, have a lot of energy, and seldom crave food.  Although this weekend I could not get the thought of steamed Basmati rice out of my head.  I wanted some rice real bad and could see all the individual grains of rice in front of me.  Damn, it's starting again!

  
  

  My eating habits tend to be very good, although I do go on sugar binges sometimes, and those binges are the real killer.  Sugar and candida, the harbingers of disease.  Fasting rids me of those sugar urges and kills off the yeast inside, until.....NOPE, not going to do it this time, not going to fall victim to the sugar monsters......NOT, NOT, NOT!  High fructose corn syrup, granulated sugar, refined sugar, you are SHIT and I am not going to let you win!

  
  

  I've been planning my road cruise for several months.  There were several peeps that swore they would come.  Two of them were very serious, the rest I knew would back out.  However, I still planned my trip alone because I know how peeps can be.  So now, after a torturous trip to Fargo this weekend, I decided that I AM going alone, and this brings me JOY!  Yes, I thought company would be nice, a human type being, but instead it's going to be me and Mombo, just like old times.  I am meeting the Big Guy in Phoenix at the end of the month and we will hang out for a little over a week, but other than that, this is a solo flight and I am glad.  I'm selfish you see, and want to do what I want to do, and at my own pace, and I do not want to have to worry about someone else's needs.  Woo freaking Hoo!  I'm FREE!!!!!!

  
  

  I am planning on traveling all over Arizona and Utah with the Big Guy.  Neither one of us has been to Utah and my research tells me this is a beautiful state.  After the Big Guy heads back I am planning on going further west into Joshua Tree and spend a few days and then I am going to go to the coast.  I am planning to attend a function in L.A. the weekend of May 19th, my birthday, and then I will probably head back home.  I need to find some place to kennel Mombo for the conference though, so this may be a chore.

  
  

  Seems my potential roommates have also backed out of the plan.  I think it is Spring.  Love is in the air and they seem to have stumbled into mates.  This is a good thing and I am happy for them.  I will hire myself a houseboy this summer then.  Someone I can hand pick, who is at least 18.  SHUT UP!  Ooooh, I am bad sometimes, but I just like to look, I swear.

  
  

  Now Accepting Applications for House Boy.  Must be over 18, in shape, and like to work scantily clad.

  
  

  I've really been missing Peter this weekend.  Everywhere I look I see a reminder of him.  I can see him standing in front of me so plain, feel his body on top of mine.  His hair in my fingers, his laugh in my brain.  I seem to have tapped into his Strength, Peter was so strong, and lately I seem to be as well.  I don't know if I can ever go back to Australia though, but I know I will.  ALONE.  Peter's family has been wonderful and has called and wrote several times, sharing their love and grief.  I missed Mark's call the other day, but it was good to hear his voice.  I know he is hurting really bad. Peter was Mark's little brother and they were very tight.  Mark was with Peter when he crashed.  Peter and the boys went on their motor bikes every Sunday and raced up and down the coast of New South Wales.  Peter so loved to do that, but Peter always drove like a fucking asshole.  There, I said it!  Peter, you drove like a fucking asshole so I am not surprised and neither are you.  We always told each other to drive safe because......it seemed as though we would never see each other again and we both feared a fatal wreck.  Yeah, well.....sometimes things just don't make any fucking sense.

  
  

  To end with something cheery.....Franny is driving now.  Not far, just to town and such.  He went to the grocery store on Friday alone.  First time in 4 months.  I am so glad.  Although he is still not 100% I know he is on his way back, I can tell it, and I look forward to working in the garden with him this Summer. 

  
  

  The tulips and daffodils I planted this fall are starting to push their way through the ground as well.  The damn animals have taken to lying on the nice mulch I put around them so......I need to find a way to make them stop.  I hate to shoot them but I will if I have to.  (just kidding, although I will kill if something needs killing.)

  
  

  I guess that is enough for now.  I need to get ready for work.  I have been working half days lately and I LOVE IT!  I have time to do what I need to do, what I want to do, and I don't mind being at work when I am there.  I am actually cheery now, although I do have my breaking point.  I get too many calls for petty shit and it irks me to the nth degree when peeps don't take the time to think for themselves.  Yeah, I know I live in the USA and that's the way they train peeps here.  JUST OBEY!  Do not think for yourself, OBEY!

  
  

  ack.....I AM happy to BE in my own little world, it's a sparkly ride today......
  
  ~*~*~*~*~WHEEEEEEEEE~*~*~*~*~
   
  BE WELL.

  • 9:57 am
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