Soon silence will have passed into legend. Man has turned his back on
silence. Day after day he invents machines and devices that increase noise
and distract humanity from the essence of life, contemplation, meditation.
Tooting, howling, screeching, booming, crashing, whistling, grinding, and
trilling bolster his ego. -Jean Arp, artist and poet (1887-1948)
For what to say and how to say it? I've been without hope or clue. So long now and I forget how to say I do or don't or can't or won't or anything not starting with blue. Fast type over and over again, drowning in a pool of spew. Not me, not you. Not of this divine place but rather an empty space of nothingness and nothing new.
I could try to spell it or speak it plain but then it would come back to haunt me again and that is not what I want to do. Not to say I couldn't help and this and that or admit to being ruled by but and because. It doesn't have to be true and I can start again and be stronger than before. I know now the depths of crawling skin and shrunken heads. Tossing in my bed of blue. What to do?
I feel the angels near. I cursed them, stomped on them and pretended it wasn't true. Where is my easy button now? I'm too tired and beat and helpless and evil, yes evil, I think it almost is true, until the angels hold me and help me sleep and stop all the million things, rings and blah blah blues. One thing at a time. Something nice, anything calm. Brush your hair and make your bed, pet a kitty long. Neglect song. It only works for so long until a tune finds it's way back in and you remember how it is to feel. Where could it go and why should it be? It isn't me, but it is.
Fade to black.
But I'll be back
with more fodder and spew
it's what I do
though mostly to myself
and the angels
and the walls.
screaming, seething and crying
everywhere but here
nowhere but time.
I just type and go and write and trust the angels and spirit to help me through.....it's been a long, sad road and I am lonely on my way. BUT, it doesn't have to be and tomorrow is going to be more than just another today.
Stay tuned...
Comments (5)
if it helps...you're not alone on that road.
however, not being alone doesn't make it any less lonely.
i know this to be true.
Honey, I am living much closer to you now. Feel free to stop by anytime. E-mail me at work for my address, my apartment is easy to find. We could hang out, talk, watch TV/movies and play games! I could use some company too, J.
hugs
I don't suppose it makes you feel any better, but from your pain and lonliness spews forth incredible rhythmic prose. I've read it 3 times and each time I find something new.
I hope your road gets easier, happier. I'm staying tuned for sure.
{{{hugs}}} Don't give up.
Comments are closed.