March 27, 2005
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I sense sadness, quick and true. I know it well. It's built-in to my very core. I have built-in sadness and need just accept that as true. Doesn't mean it has to devour me, it doesn't mean that at all. Although, this time it came close. So close. I shook and convulsed in my awake, scared of that innate sadness and where it took me and where it wanted to go. Today even, I lie to myself and say, it's going away, I will be alright, no fright. Rest well tonight, but it's not true. It's built-in sadness and it will follow me through and through.
I'm tired. So tired. I am grateful for my tiredness today. Not too many days ago I knew nothing of sleep and I crawled the walls and duked it out with sadness and monsters and creepy, crawly oxygen starved thoughts. I'm tired. So tired. Tell me GOD, what is it you want me to do?
go to sleep.
Comments (6)
For me, the fight against my own monsters and dark thoughts is the hardest fight to win.
I hope you beat sadness into submission - at least for a short time - and find peaceful sleep.
I got a little scared when I saw God tellin' you to go to sleep...
Not that He wasn't right... You needed sleep maybe..... He's just a little intimedatin'....
Is like He's a Her......
Lends you my smile.... It's old but still works.....
I've gone to sleep early some nights lately just to escape the a saddening malaise and lack of joy. Strangely enough, though it's not supposed to work, it has. May your tomorrow be better.
Believe me, it will get better, sweetie. I have been like that for a long while too, one day you will snap out of it, hopefully soon. Well, there are some days like that still though.
Keep your chin up!
I am sorry to hear you so sad, and I have no answer, no cure. But I have this quote from Karl aged 5....."love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other." I hope that puts a smile on your face for a little while.
Oh yeah, and about playing in the snow???? yeah, my kids would like it...and so would I!! Can I come and play too?
be safe.
like nfp, i've been going to bed earlier lately...
but it's not workin'.
feh. tired of being tired i am.
what we need is are hammocks and some shade trees.
oh and a buff cabana boy to do our bidding such as bringing us sparklie beverages in tall glasses with little umbrellas in them.
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