Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. - Marianne Williamson

YES!  That is exactly what I was discussing with a friend.  Someone who was too afraid to even think of that beauty.  She felt it the same as me, the same as many people I am sure.

That is just the thing I have been trying to explain or understand for so long now.  I can feel a coolness course through my veins when I think of it, when I visualize just how beautiful our LIFE ENERGY is.  Our potential.  I can see it and feel it yet, that feeling of unworthiness overcomes me again.  I AM determined to figure that out and harness it and then spread it far and wide.

I AM getting closer.
Sometimes I can feel it near.
Other times I disguise it with fear,
and jumbled, bumble noise.
I can hear BEautiful music
The sound of Heaven
The vibration of Love.
I hear it clear some days
other days not.
Darting hues,
Glimmering spots.
I see you too.
All day, every day.
I'm getting closer to what I AM
and further from what I AM not!
I am capable of BEing complete.

I heard you whisper my name.

I will grow grapes.
My fruit will be sweet
and abundant.
In my season of rest
I shall endure the bitter elements
as my branches await
the promised harvest.

It's not the time of the year to hear
a Mother sobbing and lost
and the mailman brings a holiday DNR order for your baby boy.
No, this is the time of year for joy, hope, dreams.
presents under the tree.
But where does that come from when there is nowhere else to tug?
How can you pretend to make it up,
to sugar fluff and all that christmas time stuff,
when a mother weeps for her son
and one last time
and what if's
and what will I dos?
What if the boy cries,
"I can't breathe Mommy and I'm scared."
and terror grips you awake
in softly falling snow
in the season of Miracles
and freshly warmed sorrow.

HOPE.
It doesn't come on a rope

And then another wave hits
he's just a little boy.
I love you Mother
and I'm scared
and we hate GOD
for what he did
for what he'll do.
and it's christmas time, twinkly and bright
but our heart is frozen blue.
And a mother weeps for her baby son
and wonders what to do.

I had the following crap disguised in a text document labeled "happy"  hmmmm.....I wonder where the happy went?

Date unknown, though it could be today or yesterday or sometime last year or the year before and so on and so on......

You took me long into the night.
Held my head as I trembled,
warmed me when I shivered.
You did it then,
I pretend you do it now.
In my land of make-believe,
Where love used to be
so damn true.

But today....

I'm cold and I'm tired. 
This is just the way
I thought it would be,
when I wasn't alone,
and clouds changed
their shapes from red
to blue.

I'll take my time,
gather my life in pools.
Fuck the rules.
Imagine complete.
Do what I need to do.

Yet still,

It's not safe here.
I'm gurgling again,
drowning in the memory of you.
You're dancing on the shore
as I struggle to breathe.
I cannot live,
will not stream.
It's not a dream.
This came true.

Where were you when I called your name? 
Water swirled black
all around my face,
promising death,
where it's warm.
Where it's true.
 
I have no soul to bear,
I left her there. 
You came for me
and I left her there,
alone.
Again.

Water swirls my hair
in a tangle of seaweed,
and you stand there
on the shore,
unaware of this snare. 
No way to help,
no sound of despair.
No care?

Where were you when I swam the sea? 
A million miles of forever
right beneath me as you smiled
from the shore. 
I'm not going there anymore.
Too many circles and stars
have blinded my mind
and I'm stranded,
branded,
hopelessly banded,
alone.
Again.

Take me from here,
let me lose my sight in glory,
fireworks and bright lights.
Bow in infinite story
humbled in infinite gain.

My soul is in pain.
Nobody will cry if I die.
They've all left me
high and dry,
alone.
Again.

I've gone somewhere sad
and you're gone,
and you are too,
and you and you.
And YOU!
I'm too cold to feel
your warmness,
burst of light,
or happy fluffaroo.

There is no soul to creep through.
Not here,
in tangled seaweed
swirls black.
Oxygen lack
sea.

Where is there?
Smiling on the shore.
Warm and true.
Lucky for you.
Sucks for me.
Makes no sense now
and I don't know how,
nor do I care.

It's not fair.
Yet there are worse.
Where life gets bad
and oh so sad.
Forever.
No sever.
In your face.
Crap.

Why do humans do what we do?

So who am I?

I'll always cry.
It's what I do.
Feel sadness to the core.
Swirling black and blue
where bodies ache.
Bruised with sweat,
bloodied in rain,
streaked with salty dew.
Again.
Again.
And Again.

No end

I want to go where love grows complete.
Stand there with my feet
in the sand.
I just want to go.
And feel your hand.
Absorb your flow.
Soak up your dew.
Release the stress of blue.
It's what I want to do.
I do.

i do

I DO!

Amplify my mind and hear
the rattles of my cage. 
I cannot stay contained. 
I'll whirl out,
and flutter around your head.
Dance, delicate and soft.
Melodious and true.
Then you'll want to hold Me. 
Touch Me.
Taste my songs.
Absorb my hue.
I can't let you. 
You'll rub the magic dust off my wings,
and then go wash your hands.

It won't matter what I say,
what I do.
It's all concrete now.

Line space.

Feels good to breathe.
Somebody forgot how.

So I say
one day,
yes I existed and how.

Matters not.

I've come to BElieve.

Suppose you speak a word not.

You have to feel.

Back to the bone,
remember where your train thought is.

I'm out of sorts,
yet not quite.
I'm exactly where
I choose to BE.

Won't you please
flow with me?

What a fuck up I've become.
Where are the rules?

I choose to disbelieve.

Spring has sprung and the daffodills hum with busy bees and love.
It's only day two, and there is so much more to do,
but I'm determined to win.
Beans and radishes, beets and carrots.
Peppers, tomatoes and trees.
I'm alive when I grow.
I thrive when I'm alive.
The rain has quenched my head.
Last week was two steps from dead.
I'm clearing dead brush and planting a new crop of glow,
just so you know....

I never delete, I just go private and muse on my own.

What I need to learn most is FOCUs.
I know what it means
but still, I bounce
A billion bubbles at once.

Some truths ought to be told.
But I get confused,
when it comes to relevance
or reason....
because there are so many bubbles.
So I touch on this and that
but never get the fat,
just the chubbier.

It's about getting old
not being told
and remembering the happy stuff
with an eraser.

Yet, still I know you care
I feel that were it hurts
so perhaps, and just maybe
I shall venture there soon
I've made room
and I can clean some more.
I'm going to try to focus.

I'm out of squares.

A Poem of Little Sense

It's a different day,
still it's all the same.

I'm
Too lazy to speak multiple words
so I leave you contactions
with an '.
Enjoy.

And ifff you can't add,
I'll make it up to thee.
I'll Spit a bunch  of words
at one time.
And they won't rhyme,

Because I'm too lazy
to not type apostrophe.

editedX3

P.S. Sometimes I start sentences with "And" just to piss you off!

BE WELL. {X}