It wasn't many lives ago when I shunned the day.
It wasn't many dreams ago that I wished for nothing but.
I've left that life and mind
and crawled back into my own.
'Twas good to have swam in muck
and danced in gray.
I found substance.
Today and yet another night
I no longer fear the fight.

Talk of energy,
not what you see,
or know.
But of stuff
that makes you go
up and down
back and forth
inside out,
SHOUT!

I spoke a word I once heard
and did a thing I thought right
but tonight
I'm waxing the moon
with a lovers tune
and painting life anew.
I love the witch in me.
Now leave me BE!
I have toads to stew.

If I spoke every single speck,
there would be nothing left for me to reflect.
Some things are best told in retrospect.
After I take time to digest
and reinvest
Time into the thought, the deed,
The seed I am soon to sow.
Some things I know.
Others, need a quiet mind.

In my frazzle of lost space
I have discovered a place
All my own
'Tis what I need
To plant my seed
To meditate and pray
Everyday.

ALONE.

Mehndi Mind

It's henna all the time,
non-stop clock
No time for rhyme.
Magic is flowing
everywhere I breathe
I'm going further
than I ever dreamed.

Swirls and twirls
over and over again.
Just us girls
and some of our friends.
Painting and creating,
sharing and daring.
The magic never ends,
It creeps around every loop and bend.

Mehndi for me and mehndi for you
beads, glitters, wraps and chains
Imagine we're someplace exotic and new.
Royal beauties, exotic warriors, pretend.
If you imagine it, it's true
I love the mystery of you
my beautiful friend.

Wishes do come true.
BELIEVE!

Everyone should have a trampoline, they come in handy for so many things.  On this day Jen and I converted the trampoline into our business office and commenced to making business cards.  I might also mention trampolines are superb sweater dryers too.  Word has it, trampolines are a good way to excersize, but I don't know anything about that.....I'm too busy doing mehndi, and building a business dream for such things.

Baby Buck Ass, is now Algiz, the Protector.  I adorned buck with beads and jewels, and painted warrior markings on him.  I used my left over hair dye to brand BUCK beautiful, from his head to his toes.  I believe I am starting a new fashion trend. 

Hmmmm.....I will need bleach for Mombo so he can go back to assuming the rank of Alpha dog.  As it is, Buck has let his beauty and warrior markings go to his head.....he is assuming the role of ALPHA DOG, and asking Mombo nicely to back off....we are his girls.  Fret not Mombo, you will always BE my #1!

I'm off to paint something pretty and fill myself with tickly visions.  We're buying an old camper for super cheap, it needs a lot of love, and many coats of paint, but when it's done......woowee!   We will be exhibiting at this year's county fair, and that is less than a month away.  So many things to do, so many things to create.  Suddenly life is beautiful again, but I may need to hire a gardner, I'm neglecting the very thing I worked hard to create.  Balance.  It will come.  Jen is good that way and helps to keep me focused when I bounce a zillion different ways.....but she is not here now so.........bounce, bounce, bounce.

BE WELL.

Somewhere between the stroke of now
and the toll of when.
Dangling from a silken thread
Trapped in dewy spiderwebs
No Pain for the gain
More guts for the soul.
Challenge the storm,
and walk a rainbow.

Tree of tower
Strong with bend.
Spring, that's green
Now Summer Tan.
Flower buds, wilted
Blossom in hand.
Leaves crunch brown
now white with snow.
Up again,
to watch it go.

A long time ago
frozen moment of day
flashback in a remote control.
Pause, now Play.
Tomorrow left yesterday,
Today but a dream.
Forever, is lingering
in bursts of time.
Now tick.  Then tock.
Silly nursery rhyme.

I never meant it to feel like that
didn't want the pain.
Yet I go back there again and again
and again.
No excuse, no reason, just lost
and looking in at something I can't have.
Because I don't know what it is.

It's coming back to me now
and once it's here, I'll never
let it go away.
I'm sorry for the anger
the tongue I couldn't control.
It wasn't meant to be so bold,
so cold, so unforgiving and dead.

It's my head, not my heart.
I won't let that go too.
But it's coming back to me now
somehow, someway.
I'm less lonely today
as I melt into blue.
And thank you for all of that
and for all of this.

Someday it just might make sense.

And I hate you for that space in between here and now.
How dare you go there first to tell me how,
how it is.

Forget you and your answers to everything.
come now and wipe the tears from my eyes,
how free is that?

Oh, here is your lesson,
golden coated dreams
I hate you for it
I fucking hate you for it

Here comes the anger,
10 years late and forever
and I hate you for it.

I would have went, but oh no
better to have me hate you for it
you son of a bitch
fuck you, and here it is

sing it to a tune.
How could I ever?
Never.
won't happen,
and you knew it.

I can't hang and
fuck you for thinking I could.

I'm sorry your dead,
and I am mad that you are.
It's just like you to be
dead like that..........

This isn't a poem
and forget you for thinking it was,
it's just like you to do that.
How beautiful.........
there is no hope and I am gone.....
I won't be coming back

There is nothing to come back to.
I have no tune.
I'm sorry I hate you this way
but it's gone and it hurts today
today....
every fucking day
and who told you it was your turn?
damn you, damn you, damn you.

Just leave me alone.

Doo doo dah dah dee dah.....catchy little tune bouncing around in my head.

It snowed this weekend, a couple of inches, but yesterday and today are unseasonably warm so.....there goes the snow again.  The creek is still frozen though and there is heaps of snow there so, I take the PUPS for a walk to the creek and pelt them with snowballs.  It's so amusing watching the dogs run on the ice, especially Buck, because he is a big clumsy ox to begin with.  He weighs 82 pounds already and still has 8 months left to grow.  Such huge paws on him, unfortunately for him, he won't be able to impress many girlies with his paws because he is getting neutered at the end of the month.  I prefer he be gay anyway, that way Mombo will have a girlfriend.

I'm sitting at my new table and staring out the window at a bunch of birds.  There are evergreen bushes right up close to the window so I am going to hang a few more bird feeders there so I can have the birds in my face.  I am soooo utterly delighted with my new space.  I reckon I will be back to creating real soon, I need to be as my site has not been updated in a very, very long time and that bothers me.  I received an email the other day from someone who thought I might have fallen off the face of the Earth as my site has not been touched in months.  Well, I am here and very much alive, but thank you for your concern.  I will start writing poems again, maybe not everyday, but at least once or twice a week.........hmmmmmmmm

No More

down in a hole
half the color of blue
not the sight, nor the sound
but the feeling of you
the memory of you
and no more

stuck in a place
half the feeling of black
not a texture or a thing
just the emptiness of lack
with no sunshine or light
and no more

lost in a sea of dim
half the time of gray
not a glimmer or a hope
but a lonely way
my choice of alone
and no more
and no more
and no more

I said no more
and I'll say it again
I wrote no more
and I'll write again
and again and again
.....just not right now.

I have no reason to give and no words for the despair.  I simply reached a point where I didn't care, and it didn't matter.  The end of youth and the beginning of a new age of wisdom.  Not quite, yet still it hovers in the background like a lost shadow.

When the sun is bright and the air is cool and strong, I find comfort in what I know, and solace in that which I don't.  I pick up the pieces where I left them lay and discard that which I no longer own.  A tearful goodbye, a bit of a sigh, and then I am alone.  Alone with thoughts that haunt my monsters out of sleep.  A forgotten way to dream.

The wind is cool, the sun is hot and I am stuck somewhere in between the cracks of an aged and whithered tree.  One day this trunk will be my own.