February 24, 2002

• I let so much go yesterday, last night.  I weeped.  I convulsed, I pounded my hands in the ground, and filled my bed with woe.  I let it go.  There is work to do, I know.  Never before in my life has the energy in me been stronger, pushing me toward the Light, seeking those that heal with magic.  Magic, magic, conjuring up thoughts of abra-cadabra, but that is just not right.  Magic is that which is invisible to sight, like BElief.

  
  

  I lit candles and consulted Tarot.  Immersed myself in Runes, channeled warmth and energy into my crystal pendulum.  The heat of the crystal in my hands was intense, but it didn't burn, it glowed.  And out from my mouth came songs and poems of Love and Light.  Out from my soul poured my heart, and into the Universe it absorbed.  I felt Love shoot right from the stars into me, and I into thee.  A Peace I cannot describe washed over me, and I wanted to keep singing more and more.  And I did.

  
  

  I thought of all the horror, pain, and terror in the World and took it all into my body, it hurt so much.  I took it all in, and I released it back to the World in a love filled chant.  I don't know the words, they were given to me.  My song vibrated the World and made a difference to everything.  I felt myself glow. I AM Beautiful.

  
  

  It was a non-selfish thing to do.  Perhaps the first one.  I didn't intend it so, I wanted healing just for me, but then it came.....it came.  My love for Life and for all of Humanity filled me, and I sang their song.  Haunting......peacefully mournful, yet filled with such Strength and Love.  I BElieve.

  
  

  This morning is a new day.  Miracles are everywhere and magic is awaiting me.  It will be no easy road for me to take, internal garbage that has to go, things that I can no longer allow to be so.  No excuses, but, I will treat myself gently as I remember I am human, and as a human I am flawed.  That is OK, it is alright, the Universe Loves ME for ME.

  
  

  And if I told you that Truly, Madly, Deeply is the song that started my transformation, you may think it odd.  But it's only because you don't understand how that song woke me from my slumbers.  When I awoke the room was full of you, gently scented, and peaceful.  I felt so calm.  And the radio was playing Savage Garden, Truly, Madly, Deeply......and that radio just does not come in, it won't stay tuned don't you know.  I awake every morning to loud, static filled noise.  It's not nice, not at all.  But not this day, not this day, oh no.  You sent that song for me darling and I sat in bed and listened to every word.  There was no static, no buzzing noise, just music and beauty and I drank in every word. 

  
  

  Truly Madly Deeply
  ( Savage Garden )
  
  I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy
  I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need
  I love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply, do
  I will be strong, I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on
  A new beginning
  A reason for living
  A deeper meaning, yeah
  
  I want to stand with you on a mountain
  I want to bathe with you in the sea
  I want to lay like this forever
  Until the sky falls down on me
  
  And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky
  I'll make a wish, send it to Heaven, then make you want to cry
  The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty
  That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of ..
  The highest power
  In lonely hours
  The tears devour you
  
  I want to stand with you on a mountain
  I want to bathe with you in the sea
  I want to lay like this forever
  Until the sky falls down on me
  
  Oh can't you see it baby?
  You don't have to close your eyes, 'cause it's standing right before you
  All that you need will surely come
  
  I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy
  I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need
  I'll love you more with every breath truly, madly, deeply, do
  
  I want to stand with you on a mountain
  I want to bathe with you in the sea
  I want to lay like this forever
  Until the sky falls down on me
  
  I want to stand with you on a mountain
  I want to bathe with you in the sea
  I want to lay like this forever
  Until the sky falls down on me
  
  I want to stand with you on a mountain
  I want to bathe with you in the sea
  I want to lay like this forever
  Until the sky falls down on me.

  
  

  Thank you for that, it meant so much, and I KNOW you Love me too.  I am really starting to BElieve.  I wish I wasn't so hard to crack, and that I would believe I was good enough to love just for being ME.  That was my training though, the thoughts I allowed to become mine.  It's nobody's fault, and no one is to blame.  I own it, it's mine.

  
  

  The transformation from who I was, into who I AM is beautiful indeed.  I don't care who it is that won't believe, or who snickers in the back.  I simply do not care.  There is no room for doubt and self-defeating thoughts here.   With every breath I take I feel stronger, braver, and more beautiful than before.

  
  

  This is how I want you to remember me.  Happy.  In Love.  At PEACE.  It is so.....a little at a time, gently, honestly, divine.

  
  

  BE WELL.

  • 10:42 am
  • 5 Comments