October 23, 2007
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Miserable
I seldom bitch and moan, not here anyway....but I don't know what else to do. I'm so fucking sick and it just doesn't get better and my stomach hurts all the fucking time. I'm sick like a dog and I am frustrated beyond words. What the fuck else can I do? I try so hard to do right by myself and I've finally come to a place in life where I AM content and happy and full of Joy and then this illness comes along and fucks my whole world up quick.
I'm sick of the shit and crying doesn't help
doesn't help a fucking lick.
Writhing on the ground in pain as I clutch my gut, well that doesn't seem to help either.
Perhaps after I throw up again I might be able to sleep....but then again the pain creeps up and the gas and bloating and nausea keep me in their grip.
I'm scared I will never feel well again. and I'm scared of every single what if. I no longer feel strong.
I feel fucking mad.
Just leave me alone.
I hold my breath and forget to breathe and the pain gets so intense. I forget to breathe and then I try but the tears start coming and I try to stop and then I forget to breathe again.
I'm sad....and I'm fucking mad....like I want to hit. Make blood spurt from something in gushers and flows.
It's not healthy I know but I'm just so fucking sick and I'm sick of being sick. Now the nose is stuffed from crying and I try to breathe but I can't.
I've lost a lot of weight and I don't want to lose anymore but I can't see how to eat. It all comes back to haunt me and leave me in pain or ends up in the toilet over and over again. and it hurts.
I used to be so cute. Not so much anymore, though I do try to pretend but I can't tonight because I'm sick AGAIN. I know I said that before but I'm going to say it again and again because that's how it is. Over and over again.
I'll call the doctor in the morning. I should have called him today but for a second there I thought I might be alright so I decided to wait.... and now I'm sick AGAIN.
i'll just pound my fingers on this board and let it all out. It's not healthy to be mad but it's ok. I don't hold on to it anymore I let it spit so I can breathe and soar.
One day I will be a miracle. This I do believe. I'll suffer and writhe and put up with this shit but I'm expecting something back. You hear me?
I'm expecting, something back. No, I take that back. I'M DEMANDING SOMETHING BACK!
Comments (4)
i'm thinking it sounds like you've earned a serious bitch and moan session. girl...i hope by the time i've typed this you have taken your ass [and bloated gaseous belly] to the doctor. no joke, man. don't make me wake up mitch to come bitch you out.
i mean it.
that kind of stomach/intestinal pain is nothing to fool around with.
now dammit...if you haven't gone, call him first thing in the morning.
don't make me go mom on you.
...i hope whatever it is has an easy, fast, painless cure and that you're back to your normal self soon.
OH! i forgot to tell you!!! have you seen the new hallmark christmas ornament this year? a streamline trailer!! YES!!! with a fold out canopy! i bought it. and thought of you as soon as i saw it. so, you'll kind of be on my tree this year. i hope it does you proud.
I'm sorry.
You have been strong through a lot of illness, and you will feel strong again. I'm sorry for this awful time right now, but you are a survivor and I have every faith that you WILL get something back.
Hang in there.
Jesus H Fucking Christ..................... Only Lucky could work a Hallmark Fucking Moment into this post.......
She does crack me up....... :->
Hurt sucks cock and ur still cute...... These things are true..........
Don't fuck off on us.................
k?
ur nether dude
mitch
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