April 22, 2005
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I'm swarming in illness again. Strep throat and ear infection and I suspect a sinus infection too. I should see a doctor but I am too stubborn too. I have a whole bottle of antibiotics here so I am taking them to see if I can lick this myself. I will give it three days but then it will be a weekend and I will be forced to go to urgent care if I am not better or I can wait until Monday and see my regular doc. I think I am on day 2, but if this is Friday then maybe it is day 3? I can't remember this week, 'cept picking up the Subaru on Tuesday, when I started to feel sick and then I think the next day was just sick and yesterday I looked for a cure? Thinking in type, not quite out loud.
It sounds like ocean waves in my ears, like I have a conch shell taped to my head and I can feel my heart beating in my eardrums. My throat is like a million razors and to swallow is a dreaded thing. Fever sings across my body in chills and shivers while my face is burning with coals.
Comfortably Numb keeps runninginginginging in my head....."When I was a child I had a fever My hands felt just like two balloons. Now I've got that feeling once again I can't explain you would not understand This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb"
It's a drugged feeling being ill, a part of life I have come to know too well. I think of the others I knew, who were strong and alive and then some nasty bug invaded their lives until they were dead. As of late I wish it too. I hate being selfish but I miss my Franny Banany and want to be with him too, him and all the others I have loved. My brother especially, not a day goes by that I don't miss him.
My Aunts have been calling several times a week. It's nice. They are the only resources I have into that side of my family's past. I have so many plans to finish my research and organize pictures and make calls and write letters and....and.....and.....I'm just too fucking sick for anything but sleep and tv.
Being sick and depressed is fucking draining to the soul.
Comments (11)
I know, sweetie...I feel the same I want to be with Heather. I am missing her terribly each day. I still cry for her, I am so tired of being depressed and sad. I try not to.
Always know I think of you a lot, J.
I
you.
I'm sorry. I hope it passes soon. When your entire system is depressed, emotionally, physically, chemically... there's just no words for how bleak things can look. You and Pink Floyd do a good job of summing it up.
You can be selfish all you want and miss terribly those you love. But hang in there. You'll have eternity with them. We just have to muddle through this crapola here on earth first.
RYC: Thank you, J. I noticed that about Julliet's grammar. Glad you warned me and then I saw it. I may be naive sometimes, it is one of my faults. Thank you for looking out for me! Delia too!
Thank you for caring, my sweet girls. ("girls"<--Delia and you, of course)
Being sick sucks sea shells by the sea shore....
Say that 8 times quick....
A little Floyd of any flavour is good medicine...
You sound like shit btw..... Stands back and throws you a pretend kiss from faw away......
just a bud:
mitch
::pause for a brief announcement from Mother Lucky::
IF you'd taken those antibiotics when they were first prescribed to you, you MIGHT not be sick right now. You're SUPPOSED to take them all. EVEN if you feel better. Good lard, do I need to come fuss over you? Hm??? Do I???
::end of motherliness::
I'm so sorry your heart's hurting on top of being sick.
They know you miss them. At least that's what I believe.
You have them all watching over you though.
And don't press too hard to do the geneology thing right now while the loss of Franny B is still so raw.
ooo. sleep and sleep and sleep. and get well.
Oh baby I'm so sorry you're so sick. Hang in there.
I love ya.
Sending you happy healthy thoughts!!
shan
But, you're Pollyana.
{{{hugs}}} don't give up just yet...
i hope this finds you feeling better! poor you!
came by to say hi. checking up on you, y'know.
hope you're rested or still resting.
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